I always feel such a mish mash of emotions when I embark on a trip home. The fact that I still naturally call England home will give you an indication of how I regard England despite leaving seven years ago to travel the world and hang out with a guy I had only spent two weeks with in Indonesia! He ended up becoming my husband, we had Maggie and the rest of the story is pretty happy ever after. Apart from the yearning I have for home, for the things that made me who I am, the things I took for granted when I had them and the things that I didn't even realise I'd miss the most. Can you imagine the excitement of seeing my family again? I haven't seen my dad for two big fat years. The thought of seeing him again makes my heart flutter. Hanging out with my homies, dancing with my girlfriends, long walks in the countryside where I grew up, drinking beer in a local pub, village jumble sales and fates, proper curries, seeing old school mates. It's what drives me to endure the ridiculously long journey home and the anxiety leading up to it.
Stir all that excitement around with a big helping of guilt at putting Maggie through the arduous journey and seperating her from her dad for a relatively long periods of time and it makes me feel pretty weighty. And whilst Kim and I actually love having the time apart for all those reasons of rekindled love, appreciation and having time to do our own thing, I actually feel abit like my right arm has been cut off when he's not by my side.
But it will always be this way. I will never be able to have everyone and everything in the one place at one time. I will never be able to make my two life's collide. And I make no apoligies for feeling sad about this. No matter how hard I try not to, I will always miss home and will always feel the need to return.
So now I'm here, in Somerset England and still it's beauty just blows me away. The feeling of belonging is something I will never be able to explain.
Tomorrow another lovely family reunion with my dear Aunty Florrie who this year celebrated her 100th birthday. And Sunday a day on the beach with my bestie and her boys. Time really does make the heart grow much fonder indeed.
4 comments:
Lovely to see a new post - such beautiful pictures, such a beautiful county, such a beautiful lady ! :-))
Its difficult when you have 2 separate lives, I know this only too well, but its also a treat. When you come home you get to spend time with the people you love and miss, without any of your time being filled with the petty and trivial; nor will a moment be taken for granted, or a smile, or a dance or a kiss from someone close. We tend to take for granted those we can see whenever the fancy takes us; but when we can only spend time with loved ones very occasionally not a moment is wasted. We are looking forward to spending some more time with you now you are back 'home'. See you soon. XXX
(PS you asked about my blog - you can check it out here - http://thesometimeseamstress.blogspot.com/)
Enjoy your stay.
My husband and I have travelled to the U k like this all our married life. I understand how torn you feel
Have fun.
Chrisartist
Hi!! We miss you already!
It does indeed look breathtakingly beautiful and I can only imagine how it must feel. Please share more of your journey with us when you have time :)
Big hugs xxx
awwww sweetie you have just made me cry reading this i understand just how you feel. I am so looking forward to the beach on Sunday with you ;-)) Just chilling like the old days but this time with the added magic of the little ones..well not so little with my 2 boys now you wait until you see them pesky giants they now are ha ha ha ;-)) So see you tomorrow sweetie with our buckets and spades ;-) love you...dee xxxx
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