04 June 2011
I always feel such a mish mash of emotions when I embark on a trip home. The fact that I still naturally call England home will give you an indication of how I regard England despite leaving seven years ago to travel the world and hang out with a guy I had only spent two weeks with in Indonesia! He ended up becoming my husband, we had Maggie and the rest of the story is pretty happy ever after. Apart from the yearning I have for home, for the things that made me who I am, the things I took for granted when I had them and the things that I didn't even realise I'd miss the most. Can you imagine the excitement of seeing my family again? I haven't seen my dad for two big fat years. The thought of seeing him again makes my heart flutter. Hanging out with my homies, dancing with my girlfriends, long walks in the countryside where I grew up, drinking beer in a local pub, village jumble sales and fates, proper curries, seeing old school mates. It's what drives me to endure the ridiculously long journey home and the anxiety leading up to it.
Stir all that excitement around with a big helping of guilt at putting Maggie through the arduous journey and seperating her from her dad for a relatively long periods of time and it makes me feel pretty weighty. And whilst Kim and I actually love having the time apart for all those reasons of rekindled love, appreciation and having time to do our own thing, I actually feel abit like my right arm has been cut off when he's not by my side.
But it will always be this way. I will never be able to have everyone and everything in the one place at one time. I will never be able to make my two life's collide. And I make no apoligies for feeling sad about this. No matter how hard I try not to, I will always miss home and will always feel the need to return.
So now I'm here, in Somerset England and still it's beauty just blows me away. The feeling of belonging is something I will never be able to explain.
Tomorrow another lovely family reunion with my dear Aunty Florrie who this year celebrated her 100th birthday. And Sunday a day on the beach with my bestie and her boys. Time really does make the heart grow much fonder indeed.